You’re probably wondering where we got the name Pandabite for our little business. Well to know that story you first  have to know the story of the Panda Master. Here goes…

A couple of us staggered out of Dulono’s Pizza in Uptown at 3am one fine morning. On our way back to our house  we ran into a guy looking to start some banter with a few young twenty-somethings. He was wearing a Davy Crockett raccoon skin cap, an Orlando Magic Starter jacket, a pair of purple and gold Zubas and some Reebok Pumps. He was  super friendly and kept insisting that we call him the Panda Master. Of course we took to him right away and began  inquiring about his unusual name. He then pulled a small panda figurine out of his duffle bag. He told us that it had magical powers and that it would one day change the world. As he went to hand it to one of our friends, the  Panda Master tripped over the curb. He was tightly gripping the panda figurine with two hands and because he did not  want to drop his prized possession he tried to break his fall with his head against our friend. But the Panda Master’s mouth  was wide open so he ended up biting our buddy square in the shoulder. Our friend screamed out in agony, “PANDABITE!”

  The Panda Master felt so bad about what had happened that he ended up giving us the Panda Figurine. We still have  the figurine today and call it “The Bite,” in honor of our friend’s epic wound. We take “The Bite” with us everywhere we  travel and take a picture with him in every new city we enter. We have never seen the Panda Master again, but we still  like to think we will someday. 

Whenever I hear the song "Mony Mony" by Billy Idol I get this uncontrollable urge to dance. It's been that way since I was a kid, but I took it to a whole new level at my senior prom. I don't know what exactly got into me? Maybe it was the combination of a cheap rental tux, too many splashes of Polo Sport, and a stomach full of all-you-can-eat bread sticks from the Olive Garden? Whatever it was when Billy's sweet voice serenaded the 11 o'clock hour of the dance, I started to move my body like I was a kid who had just moved into a small town where they didn't allow people to dance, but I was a bad ass with a mullet so I was going to do it anyway. I grabbed a girl that I didn't know, threw her on my back, got down on my hands and knees and started running around screaming,

"MONY MONY RIDE THE PONY, MONY MONY I'M THE PONY!"

You could say that I got my "bite" at that dance, because ever since I have been known as the Pony. I haven't given any pony rides in quite a long time, but if Billy is on… you never know what can happen.

"When I wake up in the morning and the 'larm lets out a warning I don't think I'll ever make it on time... Its all right cause I'm saved by the bell!" Well I wasn't saved by the bell but I was nicknamed after Saved by the Bell. You see I went as Luke Skywalker for Halloween one year and wore a blond shaggy wig in order to evoke the look of young Luke. Once Halloween was over I guess I had a hard time parting with the wig and decided to wear it one night along with my sweet jean jacket (stuck in the 80's!) I was bitten by the panda before I even left my college apartment that night when my roommate saw me and said "holy cow it's Deek!!" (Deek is a character from the early days of Saved by the Bell)

It was a warm spring day when I, a young man with long bleached blond hair wearing a Twins baseball cap walked into the Virgil Michael apartments with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye. As I entered a man named Bean Burrito yelled, "What up Dazzle!?" Not sure what it meant I asked why he called me this. The Burrito explained that I looked like a better-looking version of Dan Gladden, the former MN Twins outfielder who helped lead them to a few World Series titles & had been known as the Dazzle Man.

Months later I had the chance of a lifetime tp meet the legendary Dan "The Dazzle" Gladden at a Minor League baseball game in majestic Alexandria, MN. I was introduced to him by a buddy's dad who brought him over and said, "Hey Dazzle, this kid thinks he's the Dazzle." As we shot the breeze and discussed the .225 batting average of some jabroni from the Alexandria Beetles, I took a huge BITE of the hotdog I was eating, when a little ketchup splattered onto my yellow polo. I quickly made a covert chicken-wing with my left arm to cover the embarrassment. Thinking that no one had seen what had happened, I was about to make a quick escape to the bathroom when Dan Gladden leaned over to me and said in a smug Dan Gladden tone,

"Is that your first error of the season Dazzle?"

Damn you & your glorious mustache Dan Gladden! Dan and my buddies had a good laugh at my expense. But who is laughing now... DAN? Quick question for you... DAN! Did you happen to register your name at Pandabite.com... DAN? Because I did... DAN! And guess what... DAN? Now I am the one & only Dazzle... DAN! So while I made my first error of the season... DAN! It looks like you just struck out in the bottom of the 9th... DAN!

I guess that you could say I felt the bite when I was up in Collegeville a few years ago, partying at my brother's place. I was cornered by one of my brother's roommates telling one of his infamously long and BORING me, me, me stories. I tried to keep my attention focused on his story and not be rude, but it got harder & harder until I just couldn't take it anymore. We were face to face and he was literally mid-sentence when I heard someone else talking and chose to jump right into their conversation. At that point it was pretty obvious that I hadn't been listening to a word he had said and in a loud enough voice for everyone in the room to hear…he yelled

"Jeeezzz woman! You have the attention span of a squirrel!"

Just as he said it, I kid you not, an albino squirrel sprinted right across their big bay window in their living room. Everyone paused, and looked at each other like "Did that just happen?" It was definitely a defining moment of my life and my new nickname... Squirrely. Now I know how Batman felt when he stumbled into the bat cave for the first time and was like "Hmmmm, bats... I could make that work."

It was a dark, cold and stormy night in December (a.k.a. a blizzard!) when I was finally bitten by the panda. We were with some friends and rocking out to Guitar Hero when I got fed up with my boyfriend's boasting about how awesome he was with the guitar so I offered to go head-to-head on his favorite song to date... "Monsoon" by Tokio Hotel. Quietly and carefully I racked up a note streak of 150 and doubled his points on a way to a victory that left the room screaming... "Monsoon, Monsoon, Monsoon!"